DG’s eagerness throws me off balance sometime. I was so used in the past to be chasing other guys, trying to get guys to fall for me and letting them ruin my life. In the past, I had dated the Mr Big types but now I was the one turning into Mr Big. I was scared…I was being chased…I had doubts…When and how did my roles reverse? It is interesting how roles change from relationship to relationship. DG says I am different to all of his past boyfriends and lovers. He has had more relationships in one year than I’ve had in my lifetime. I could not help but wonder, do we change ourroles because of our experiences? Or does our other acting partner change our roles? And can there be equality on the relationship stage? Or do relationships always have to have a lead and a supporting act? A few questions to ponder towards the end of the week.

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When I was in high school, my final year I had to take a course called Christian Lifestyles. It was a very Catholic school, so the lifestyles were somewhat limited. You basically had to pretend to get married. You could not be single and definitely not gay. So I married my high school girlfriend. We were both editors of our school newspapers, so we pretended that we were journalists for the Los Angeles Times and moved out west to California. We had to come up with a budget based on our occupation and write about the challenges of being a young married couple. We were also given some life challenges: I lost my job and she got pregnant. We had to write an assignment on how to deal with these challenges as a couple. I actually wanted the challenge of leaving my wife for the pool boy…but that was not available my year! We ended getting an A for our marriage, but we broke up after high school. I was off to Boston and she was off to Florida. The whole exercise got me thinking about the challenges and stresses of relationships. Unlike the chick flicks I love, sometimes love is not all about living happily after….it can actually be a lot of work to deal with these challenges. There are ups and downs…..and sometimes you have to decide to get out or move on.

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At the same time, relationships can be about tackling those challenges as a couple...together. I have experienced a relationship challenge recently. I won’t go into details…but just say that I was disappointed in my reaction to this challenge. Maybe I had not learned that much since high school. If I was being graded, I would have probably failed. Luckily, I have been able to re-take the exam and I am confident I can move forward with life.

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I was having a long chat with Magda at lunch about the latest boys in her life. I was asking her if she was honest with them about the fact that she was juggling a few guys at the time. Magda is a fan of the American policy “Don’t ask, don’t tell.” I wondered why in life and in relationships, there is such a problem with honesty and why can’t we be true to ourselves? They say that the truth shall set you free…but it seems we are all trapped in a world of lies. We do not want to be in touch with our feelings. Telling someone that you like or love them can be a liability. The truth in relationships can leave us vulnerable and exposed. Everyone seems to be giving me advice when it comes to my new relationship. “Don’t put all of your cards on the table,” a friend says. “Do not let them see the real you,” another one says. Sometimes in the early stages of relationship, we feel like we have to sell ourselves. We have to put on an act to be liked...

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They say no two roses are identical. The same could be said about relationships. My current relationship is so different to those in the past. For the first time in my life I am sensing equilibrium in my relationship. I am getting as much as I am giving and I am not talking just about sexual versatility. DG behaves the way I wanted all of my ex boyfriends and lovers to behave. Yet I feel like I am behaving like all of my ex boyfriends and lovers. I had a total Sex in the City moment this morning. DG offered to give me a copy of his house keys. I told him I was not ready for that…not after two weeks.

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